ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize