ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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