you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
