i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
