Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
