Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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