every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
