sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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