I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
