Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
