You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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