Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize