I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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