So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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