Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
