i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
