Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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