"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
