I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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