Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
