I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
