and my herpes radar will keep us safe
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
