she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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