do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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