My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
