shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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