just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
