carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
