I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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