My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
