4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
