dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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