i was born a porn star she said
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
