I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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