She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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