Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
