if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
