She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My vagina just clenched in fear
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize