U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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