Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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