Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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