i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
