so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
