Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
