i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
