There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
