I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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