On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
