when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
