The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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