if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
