hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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