I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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