How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
