You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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