i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize