i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
