i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
