and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
