you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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