just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
