I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
