i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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