I accidentally had phone sex last night
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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