Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
