Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize