I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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