Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
